Jack (navarchus) wrote,

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Succumb to Temptation

Okay...you all know I hate quizzes and stuff. They just suck the life out of me. Most of you have learned to either put them behind a LJ cut, or to just not do them. For these and other things, I thank you all. (Oh, and shadoh, don't think I've forgotten about you. I actually live in fear [or maybe thrill] of the day that you claim your photos. You know what I'm talkin' bout, Willis.)

Anyway, I saw this survey on kablammy's journal, and I couldn't resist. I'm all about originality, yo...and this was actually quite clever and allowed for some interesting answers. So,...I'm doing it. Just don't call me a hypocrite, 'cause it ain't no quiz. Plus...I've had a couple of drinks, and I'm feeling the love. Enjoy.

1. Beatles or Elvis?:
Beatles. No contest. (Plus, they had cooler movies.)

2. What is your secret spy name?:

3. When you were a kid, you wanted to grow up to be:
...as cute as that neighbor-guy who I was always helping with his car. (I'd use his name, but who knows if he's out there reading this?)

4. Ever had an odd pet (anything other than dog, cat, fish, bird)?:
A 10ft Columbian Boa Constrictor named Houdini, a giant crawdad named Clipper, hermit crabs (one named Hermie, go fig), a Muluccan Cockatoo named Mon Amie, a Senegal Parrot named Tuxedo, a Java Rice Sparrow named Sushi, a leopard shark, a stingray, several moray eels (one named Pirelli, because he had 'tire track' patterns down the side of his body), several generations of preying mantises (mantii?), an alligator snapping turtle I rescued from the side of the road after being hit by a car (his name was Roadkill, both for the obvious reasons and the fact that he'd eat anything...including roadkill), a rabbit named Pip who was eaten by wild dogs (I lived in the country...it happens), an albino ferret with a horrible underbite named Scooter, a hedgehog named Blimey, and a Bird Eating Tarantula who only ate crickets, named Chickenshit. If all this seems a bit extreme, then I offer up as evidence the fact that I managed a chain of pet stores for years, and I also used to own a company that used animals to educate children about nature and the world, and most of the exhibits were pets of mine that I'd rescued from shelters or abusive situations. I'm definitely an animal person.

5. Boxers or Briefs (interpret this as you will)?:
my motto is "A cock ring and a smile." I avoid underwear. It is only one more layer to get in the way.

6. List the strangest town name(s) you've ever seen:
Lizard Lick, NC and Nag's Head, NC (near where I grew up)

7. Ever taken the purity test?:
I have taken "a" purity test. I failed.

8. Is your hair color currently your natural color?:

9. Your current celebrity crushes:
Do porn stars count as celebs? If not, then I'd go with Eric Bana. Oh, and the guy who plays Angel, but only when he's bad.

10. Do you own any Tupperware?:
My Tupperware owns me, honey.

11. Ever re-gifted an item?:
Yes. Once to the person who gifted it to me. To his credit, his only comment was "I love the fact that we have the same taste." Now...that's class!!

12. Your favorite Stooge:
Moe. He is sooooooooo me...always thinking he's more clever than he really is.

13. Daffy Duck or Donald Duck?:
Donald is a milquetoast. The old, skinny Daffy with the crazy "bounce on the water" shtick. Classic WB.

14. Favorite game to play (not sport, just game):
Naked Peanut Oil Twister with Porn Star Friends and Eric Bana (only I seem to know the rules, and I ain't telling.)

15. You do a GREAT impression of:
Sean Connery, the gingerbread man from Shrek saying "you're a MONster!" and any farm animal you can name. Oh, and Marvin the Martian.

16. Most recent celebrity spotting:
John Leguizamo eating breakfast at a cafe near my house. His baby is cute, in a "let's cook it for dinner!" sorta way.

17. Strange skill you have that not many people know about:
My knees are double-jointed, so I can bend my legs into odd shapes. Plus, I can cause total strangers to stop what they are doing and stare at me like I'm crazy. (That is a skill, isn't it?)

18. The body part you like best on yourself is:
My brain. It manages to cover a multitude of shortcomings in other places...

19. A bad habit you have is:
I talk too much. About absolutely nothing. But I'm funny, sometimes.

20. The last concert you went to:
Elton John, here in Sydney. The wig looked almost natural from the 20th row.

21. Kinkiest location you've ever done It:
Depends on what you'd call "kinky."
Kinky=fetishy: On a stage at a dance party
Kinky=most unusual: On a ferris wheel while stuck at the top
Kinky=EW! No way!: In the ice-room at a huge fish market. He was hot enough to compensate.

22. What is your drag name (name of first pet with mother's maiden name)?:
Princess Jordan. Oh, fuck...that's funny.

23. Your favorite fast-food burger is:
What a disgusting thought...I haven't eaten 'fast food' in years...maybe decades. Bleah.

24. Worst job you've ever had:
Worst type of job: Bussing tables at a restaurant, possibly tied with sorting bottles at a recycling factory
Worst pay: being a writer...but damn, I love the hours

25. In the movie of your life, whom do you want to play you?:
Ed Norton...but only after he'd spent a year in an asylum, and then been beaten in the head with a frozen squid. Otherwise, I don't think he'd get the nuance right.

26. Your dream car:
I don't drive, and I hate cars. I haven't been behind the wheel of a car in almost 4 years. And I love it.

27. Your favorite comic strip is:
Sluggy Freelance. No one does mutating space aliens and homicidal dwarf bunnies in one strip and gets away with it...but somehow, he manages.

28. Do you still have your appendix?:
So far, my abdomen is still unbreached.

29. Toilet paper: rolled under or over?:
Why do people ask this? I'm sure I've put it on the roll both ways, because I've never paid any attention whatsoever. It still gets the shit off my ass...it's not like it has a "good" side and a "bad" side...

30. Your favorite donut:
Another culinary delight that has escaped my notice. Much too sweet for me.

31. Favorite basketball team (if you have one; pro or college; men or women):
Don't get much basketball down here in Oz...but any team that still has short shorts and spunky forwards.

32. Favorite Simpsons quote:
"I'm just trying to get into Heaven...I'm not running for Jesus!"

33. Do you collect anything interesting?:
erotic photos of armpits...and I'm not kidding. I have several thousand of them. I think at this stage it is called a "fetish."

34. What are your hobbies?:
Writing. (Sadly, it is also a career.) I also flirt. (Maybe that's a sport...but oh, well.)

35. Your favorite form of chocolate:
Please don't tell anyone...but I don't really like chocolate.

36. Your guilty pleasure:
That second spoonful of sugar in my coffee...and green olives (especially stuffed with anchovies....YUM!)

37. Your favorite piece of sushi:
a really nice piece of bluefin tuna, or blue-eyed cod (easy to get here, hard to find in the States)

38. Your favorite way to blow $20:
A DVD, or half a dozen schooners of nice brew down at the pub. Especially if I'm sharing them with a few mates...

39. Ever slapped someone who was not a blood relative?
Yes...and he snapped right out of it and went back to fucking without a single word of complaint. God bless'm.

40. Your favorite Girl Scout cookie:
One layer of Oreo's, a layer of Girl Scout, and another layer of Oreo's. Dip in milk. Repeat.

41. Your personal theme song:
Pachabel's Canon in D. Don't laugh...it's "me."

42. Do you have any jewelry in your birthstone (and what is the stone?)? :
No, and I don't know.

43. Your favorite sandwich (or sammich, if you prefer):
Peanut butter, applesauce, and saltine crackers. Don't knock it til you've tried it...especially if you're poor. Heaven.

44. The farthest place you've ever traveled to:
I'm there right now...I've been around the world twice, and I'm currently living in the biggest city in the country that is almost exactly opposite the point on the Earth where I was born.

45. What would you do with a million dollars?:
Pay off all my mom's bills, put my nephews through college, and spend two weeks trying to blow the rest in the most decadent way possible. Whatever is left over goes in the bank.

46. What is one of your life goals (have you achieved it yet?)?:
To have one of my novels published. Not yet.

47. Have you ever seen the movie "Free to Be You and Me" in elementary school?:
Nope. Have no idea what it is, but it sounds schizophrenic.

48. Your favorite Muppet (from any Henson production):
Chamberlain, the hunchbacked cross between a buzzard and a lizard in The Dark Crystal. (You remember? He kept going "HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........." all the time. He was cool and creepy.)

49. In 10 more years, you want to accomplish:
Financial independence. I'm tired of worrying about all this mundane money shit...I want to get on with the business of living.

50. Your favorite foreign-language film:
I hate subtitles, but I really liked a French film a year or two ago, that had the name Harry in the title. Can't remember the rest, except that it was a murder/comedy film. Very strange, very French, very funny in a dark way. Loved it.
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